Have you ever felt there’s not enough time in the day?

We Just All Want To Fit In, Right?

From the moment we were born into this world, there were a set of rules we had to follow. Those rules decided how we should act, speak, and behave. Girls should marry boys, play with dolls, dress up, be great with household chores, dress in girls’ clothing, and shouldn’t mix with boys’ clothes and accessories. Girls should be flattered if a boy likes you, sit in a well-mannered position, and dress appropriately. Boys should be manly, never cry, only dress in boys’ clothing, flirt, and marry girls.                

Rules For Boys: 

  • Marry Girls

  • Never Cry

  • Only Dress in Boys’ Clothing

  • Flirt with GIRLS

  • Play Sports and Be Assertive 

Rules For Girls Made By Society           

  • Marry Boys                                                               

  • Play with Dolls

  • Dress Up 

  • Be Great with Household Chores

  • Only Dress in Girls’ Clothing 

  • Don’t Dress in Boys’ Clothing 

  • Be Flattered When Boys Like You

  • Sit in a Well-Mannered Position

  • Dress Appropriately 

Personally, I’m a girl who likes to skateboard, box, dance, play sports in my free time, wear men’s clothing and accessories, plays video games such as Call of Duty, average with household duties, played with dolls and also cars but secretly wanted a Buzz Lightyear toy, dressed up as Disney Princesses for Halloween but also wanted to dress up as Harry Potter, not super into dresses but I’m more of a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl. 

Society also has rules when it comes to marriage. Growing up, we’re taught to stay out of people’s business, but it seems like the government and society isn’t doing that. They’re trying to control our lives, it seems.

People love to flaunt around the phrase, “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!” The government loves to make those kinds of rules, so the LGBTQ+ individuals can be afraid to come out. It’s like, the more they try to limit LGBTQ+ representation, then they might have cured being gay so they can be “straight.”

 News flash, I’ve seen straight couples in romance movies and tv shows growing up, but I’m still gay. It seems like you haven’t cured me, and I’m sure you can’t cure it since it’s a natural feeling. It’s natural to have feelings for someone you actually like. The same goes for whatever gender you’re attracted to. 

The government has tried to ban same-sex marriage, not allowing LGBTQ+ couples to adopt, etc. Now, same-sex marriage is allowed, and LGBTQ+ couples can adopt. Of course, not every country feels the same. There are some countries such as Poland and Greece who do not recognize same-sex marriage. 

LGBTQ+ individuals would also like to marry the love of their life and be happy. Why bother living if you’re not allowed to be happy?! Why bother living if it’s for the sake of others? We need to start living for ourselves! 

Those rules are exhausting to follow. Especially when it only puts people in a box. If a man cries, he’s seen as a sissy. If a girl likes to box and/or wrestle, she’s seen as too manly, and no boys will “want” her. These are damaging to peoples’ minds. Even if the older generation doesn’t think so. We’re supposed to live our own lives, but it seems like we are robots in their minds. Like we need to be controlled in order to be deemed as “normal.” 

So what if a girl wants to wear guys’ clothing? As long as she’s rocking it with confidence, what’s the problem. If a boy wants to dance, and that’s his passion? Let him express himself. If a boy wants to wear makeup, then let him. Better yet, let’s not wait for permission in order to do something that makes us happy. See, our whole lives, we’re taught to think of other people first to see how they feel about our actions. So, if a girl likes a girl, it’s seen as “unnatural.” 

You’re “supposed” to be with a boy in order to make their lives easier. If we’re constantly having to second guess our actions in order to make them happy, then it’s a big slap in our face because no one gives a damn about how it makes us feel. Oh no, as long as the world seems normal, everyone needs to follow the rules and not be who they really are or do what makes them really happy until they’re dead. We might as well be if we can’t say or do what we truly feel. 

There are a lot of TV shows and movies that are relatable while breaking the “norm.” These are the kinds of shows we should continue to see on screen and have a conversation with our families. 

I recently watched Love, Victor on Hulu, the  Love, Simon spin-offIt takes place in the same universe as Love, Simon, so if you’ve seen the series, you’ll notice the references. Victor is a high school teen who’s not out to his family. He does have an attraction to boys, but he’s not ready for the world to know who he really is. It can be scary having these feelings because most people won’t see it as normal when really, love is love. Victor happens to be dating one of the most popular girls at Creekwood High to hide his identity. See that? He’s dating a girl to be seen as normal when he’s secretly into another guy just to make everyone around him comfortable.

A lot of LGBTQ+ individuals have also dated the opposite gender to hide their true identity. Most likely, they’re afraid of coming out because it’s hard to know how people will react. I’ve also dated plenty of guys to hide the fact that I am just romantically interested in women.  

I’ve been talking to this guy who’s perfect. He’s sweet, loves to skateboard just as much as I do, loves anime, loves the Asian culture, is super respectable, and he’s into me. I should be into him too. Truth is, I haven’t felt a romantic attraction or connection to him or to any guy. 

Maybe I’m not bisexual. Maybe I’m just gay. Saying, “I’m gay” seems so much scarier than saying, “I’m bisexual.” My attraction to girls is just more powerful. There were many times where I wanted to date a girl, but I was afraid of coming out to the world again. I shouldn’t be afraid, but everyone makes it so much harder to be myself. I have to worry about my parents’ image, what our Asian culture and community think, what other religions think, what society thinks, and it’s insane that I have to think about them first. I’d rather think about myself first. That may sound selfish, but if I’m not happy, what’s the point of living? 

We’re so worried about everyone else’s comfortability that we don’t worry about our own. Whenever other people make racist jokes, harass other people, and make gay jokes, some are worried about speaking against those kinds of jokes in fear of thinking, “Oh, are you gay or something?” Or say, “It’s just a joke.” Or will even say, “It’s not wrong if it’s true.” That kind of behavior is something no one should have to tolerate. 

Growing up, people will say, “Be true to who you are” but when we do, they say, “Oh, don’t be like that.” It’s like we have to hide until the end of time, and it’s tiring. Not every girl wants a boyfriend, and not every boy wants a girlfriend. Not every girl wants to wear dresses or participate in dance. Some girls want to skateboard, box, wrestle, play sports, etc. 

We shouldn’t have to follow any set of rules. We should be who we are and say how we feel without fear. It’s not fair to any of us. Everyone is so worried about the labels, but no one is worrying if they are even good and genuine. We’re so caught up in peoples’ image of us that we just focus on that, but we don’t focus on who we are as a person. Stop taking on the burden of everyone else’s emotions when we should think about ours first. If everyone is comfortable and happy but you, then what’s the point of living life? We should be able to express ourselves freely without hesitation. 

Overachiever Magazine was started by Rehana Paul in October of 2018 to give a platform to all Asian women, non-binary people, and other gender minorities.

Our name is poking fun at the stereotype that all Asians are overachievers, especially Asian women, non-binary people, and other gender minorities. It’s also in recognition of all of us who have had no choice but to be overachievers: managing societal expectations, family obligations, and educational opportunities, all while fighting the patriarchy.

We have grown since then, putting out bimonthly issues (we are contributor powered: apply to write for our next one!), and weekly reviews of culture, and news that is important to us.

You can find announcements, more news, and get to know our staff on social media: give us a follow, and learn how you can get involved today!

We do not claim to speak for all Asian women, non-binary people, and other gender minorities. We are just here to give them a place to speak for themselves.

We hope you’ll join us.

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